Friday, December 17, 2010

Off My Blogging Game!

I have been off my blogging game this week my friends! And after I had made myself so proud by updating almost every day. This week has been kind of a whirlwind. I feel like I've been off my game with everything this week.

On Monday, I had my 90 day review at work. The main problem with my job thusfar has been that I have not had enough to do. Now, I like my downtime at work. Wrong as it may be, I like having the opportunity to accomplish things on my own agenda. I just don't like entire days of nothing to do. As fate would have it, the minute the problem was finally aired into the open, I have had to scrap for downtime. Which, in terms of my job satisfaction, is great. In terms of my life organization, it's terrible!

Top that off with the health struggles I have been having these past few weeks and I feel even more disorganized and not "on top of my life." My health problems have given me daily headaches (whether I'm trying to eat healthy or not), and they have also caused me to sleep in more - meaning my schedule is off, I'm missing my quiet times...

Needless to say, I don't enjoy feeling like I'm not "on top of my life." I'm sure the spiritual lesson, now that I think about it, is that I should let God be on top of my life instead of me having to work so hard to do so.

The other way that this has been affecting me spiritually is that I've been crying out to God for relief from these health struggles, but the reality is that A) I don't know what it is that is bothering me and will not until I do the LEAP test (food allergies and sensitivities) that my roomie specializes in, and B) I need to make big lifestyle changes in the way that I eat if I want to see changes in the way that I feel. And, at 26 years of life, that is very hard because those habits are engrained in me. I eat everything I see that I want. I have no self-restraint. I have been a sugar addict since I was a child. And I'm an emotional eater. When I'm upset, I go for comfort food - which, coincidentally, usually involves sweets.

I told my roomie the other day that I almost went on a Facebook rant about how skinny people have food problems too, so "don't judge us." And it's true. I have had my skinny size commented on my entire life, and it is no less as uncomfortable as having one's obesity commented on. People don't seem to understand that though. They seem to think it doesn't affect us because we are blessed with the gift of slimness. Well, let me state for the record, that is just not true. I have often made note of this to people I trust after having my weight commented on, but it comes to light for me even more now as I struggle with legitimate food and diet related health issues. Skinnyness does not preclude a person from struggling with food.

My food struggles are far from over, but I hope they start to improve soon. I am praying and hoping that I can do the LEAP test as soon as possible and start to get things under control. Then hopefully the headaches, fatigues, and nausea will stop, and I will be able to return to my normal routine.

This is a blessing in the long run. I have long wanted to give up my unhealthy habits... this is just God saying, "It's time."

If you think of me, please pray for me.

Life is not all dandelions and roses, but I am still immensely blessed. It's the trials in life that draw us near to God, keep us humble, and transform us into the people we were meant to be for His glory. I think I'd rather be humbled than spoiled.

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