It's almost Christmas!
This Christmas season has definitely been an interesting one for me so far. At first, I thought the main issue I would have is the "first Christmas post ex" stuff, but that hasn't been an issue at all. Instead, my health has been the issue at the forefront, and I definitely wasn't expecting that.
I've discussed my health struggles on my blog a bit in previous posts. Basically, I have been getting frequent bouts of fatigue, dizzyness, and have had a nonstop headache (that no med I have tried takes away). These have been affecting me for about two months now, but I am finally getting to my breaking point - the point at which I can't take it anymore and I'm ready to do something about it. I'm not quite sure why I wasn't before - probably because tiredness and headaches don't seem like anything major. Until they bother you for two months!
Currently, I am exploring two possible causes: food allergies, which my dietition roommate specializes in, and type 2 diabetes.
Last spring, I endured two months of chronic dizzyness. At that time, they tested my blood sugar, and it came back a "little high," but that's all they said. It turns out that fatigue and headaches are also symptoms of diabetes. The pieces didn't really click for me until this past Saturday night, when I was at a Christmas party. My roommates and I prayed over ourselves before going to the party, because we all have our food issues - things we're allergic to and shouldn't eat. But, those can be hard to manage at events like Christmas parties. So, we prayed, and I trusted God. Well, since I was trusting, I allowed myself to have some sugar. In retrospect, not such a great idea, but the experience did benefit me later. I had a big sugar cookie, and no more than 5 minutes after finishing it, became dizzy and felt like passing out. I went upstairs and climbed in one of the beds, and I could have slept there all night from that moment on. That's when the connection happened!
So, Christmas parties are dangerous territory for me this year! And that's definitely making this Christmas different. I have been a sugar addict my entire life, and it's one of the hardest things for me to give up. I love my sugar. But it clearly doesn't love me just as much anymore.
I have not enjoyed the decreased functionality I have had to suffer as a result of these food struggles. And speaking from experience, nonstop headaches are NOT conducive to happiness. I'm at the point where I beg God for relief, beg him for a good day. There are days the headache is better than others, but it's still there. This past Sunday, the day after the sugar cookie, my headache went (mostly) away, and I felt the best I had all week - probably two or three weeks. I consider it a miracle of God, because I had a lot of church related events that day that I didn't want to miss (I've missed about every third week of church this fall due to my health). Monday went right back to the same old.
I am trying to modify my food habits and eat as healthfully as I can. I'm working with my dietician (roomie). I'm not perfect, but I'm improving. I'm starting to watch my total carbohydrate intake, since that is what diabetics need to monitor. I might be more in the practice of reading food labels than I ever have been before! And, I do have a doctor's appointment scheduled. However, I have something else that might conflict that day - so prayers that it wouldn't would be greatly appreciated.
I've heard and I've experienced that people don't really like listening to your food/health struggles all the time. I certainly hope I don't talk about it all the time. But the reality is that this is the "major event" in my life right now. I've never experienced long term health struggles before. I love Christmas, I am excited for Christmas, and this year will be wonderful. I've enjoyed all the Christmas parties, of which I've had many more this year than in previous years. But my current state of health has definitely made it harder. I would just love to feel good on Christmas and be able to eat whatever I want. It's Christmas!
Tonight I have another Christmas party that I will be carefully navigating, in terms of food and drinks. I can't withold from the good stuff entirely - this is Christmas and that's part of the enjoyment. If I did, I would only make myself more miserable, emotionally, than my health is already making me. But, I do plan on using caution.
I know I have eaten unhealthfully most of my life, and I look at this as at least a wake up call from God that I need to change my ways. I'm not sure what else God is trying to teach me - although I could list all the lessons one COULD get out of this type of experience, they might not be the ones God specifically has for me, though all probably very worthwhile.
I've had many people reach out to say they are praying for me, and I am so so appreciative. Thank you. It means a lot to me, because of how much this is a burden on me right now. But God has a purpose, and I believe that I will get to the bottom of the issue and start feeling better. Everything will be ok :)
Thanks again, guys. Sorry for the decreased bloggage over the last couple of weeks, but I plan to keep up as much as I can!