Sunday, July 25, 2010


This is it guys - THE BIG WEEK!!!!

This is the week leading up to Heaven Fest - the Christian music fest I have been working for all summer long as an intern and retail director. I am so grateful for those roles and have been loving every minute of it.

This week is going to be crazy!! A festival of this size requires an entire week to set up and a week to tear down... so this is set up week. We do all kinds of crazy things, from counting T-shirts to hammering fence posts... there's no limit!

I am going to be working around the clock, and because the site and the HF offices are about an hour away from me, I am staying with one of my supervisors and her fam for the week. On a side note, I just love this woman - SO thankful that God put her in my life, she's so awesome. I have been spending the day preparing all my clothes for the week, preparing my food for the week, sending out last minute emails... the works!!!

If you think of me, please pray for me and all the HF leadership - we need lots of grace, patience, energy and positive attitudes this week! And please pray that God will be glorified and the 35,000 attendees we are expecting and hoping for are all ministered to!

I'm so grateful for the love and support from all of you that have gotten me through this season, this summer, and my time with HF! Can't wait to see what God does this week and on the big day. It is going to be so fun! This is a one of a kind experience, and the chance to be a part of the inside workings of it is a privilege and an honor. I can't wait to see what God has in store for the future :)

"My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


So here's the thing... I'm going through a divorce (that's old news). I'm purposely not dating until my divorce is final, as a way of honoring God (and obviously taking the appropriate time to heal as much as I can). Obviously I won't be dating until God brings someone into my life, and when I do, I have a STRICT process they will be going through in order to pass through the necessary tests required to date me. That's just the nature of the game coming out of an abusive relationship... the security gates go up waaaay higher. And there is satan threatening me with the lie that I'm not worthy.... but I am ready and willing to declare out in the open that


I have always wanted love, and I still do, and a divorce doesn't change that. I know now that it's not worth it when it's outside of God's will, but that doesn't mean I don't want it INside of God's will. I DO! And whether it's politically correct or morally acceptable for me to be admitting that I want love and I want another husband in the future when I'm not even legally done with the first one, I don't really care anymore, because I want them. And I'm not gonna pretend like I don't just because someone may disapprove. I'm not big on following rules that society makes up. Just the ones in the Bible lol.

With that, I'm obviously upping the stakes a lot higher this time. I'm upping the standards and I'm upping the security. I'm obviously not going to walk down the same road twice. I have LEARNED my lesson, guaranteed. But I'm not going to hide my heart away in a box. That's just not me. I love love, I wanna be in love, and I want to spend the rest of my life with my one true love.

With that said, for some reason somewhat unexplainable to me, I just have this urge to post the things that I most want in my future husband... you know how people encourage you to make lists of what you want in a romantic partner? Yeah...I've done that on occasion... And this time I'm doing it again. I've had so many of these things swirling around in my head and my heart since I've been done with my ex that I just needed to write them all down.... and I feel a lot of peace about them... like this is what God wants me to want. lol. That sounds a little weird, but do you know what I mean? As if these are the standards that God wants me to have. And somewhere inside my heart I have a peace that God is holding in His hands a man who meets all of these standards and is the guy that He meant for me.... which was NOT my ex husband :) lololololol.

So, without boring you with ALL the details, here are some of the major must-haves that I really can't and won't settle for less on:

1) MUST be in love with God more than me and wholly devoted to Him. Always pursuing increased growth and closeness in His relationship with the Lord. Regularly attends church and maintains relationships with other believers.
2) The spiritual leader of our home - someone who initiates regular prayer time and bible study for the two of us together.
3) Involved in some kind of ministry and serving others.
4) Funny
5) Outgoing
6) Has his own friends.
7) Romantic
8) Real - doesn't put on a front with anyone.
9) Loves and wants kids, of course.
10) Supports my calling and involvement in ministry.
11) Has no problem abiding by physical boundaries - even suggests them.
12) Has no problem abiding by my "security gates" - and understands why I have them in place.
13) Will be strong enough to handle any residual issues as a result of my divorce and marriage experience that may come up throughout the course of our relationship.
14) Taller than me, so I feel safe and protected in his embrace.
15) Takes care of himself physically - makes an effort to maintain good exercise and nutrition - as well as emotionally and spiritually.
16) Not materialistic.
17) Established in a profession/career - not still figuring it out.
18) Likes or loves Colorado to the point of being able to live here, own a vacation home, or frequently vacation here.
19) My age or older.
20) Must not be currently engaged in any harmful sin strongholds/patterns that he is not actively trying to get out of.

... they're not THAT bad ;) But they're a lot more well educated and thought out than they used to be!!! I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned that have brought me to having standards like those and the point of being much more strong in sticking to them. Good things come out of bad experiences!! "From everything bad comes good..."

So that's that.... I want love, and those are my standards, lol. I don't know why I felt so compelled to list those here, but I really did!!

Note: Per my last post, I still wish and hope that God might do a miracle so that the Mr. I had to let go and I might be right for each other, but only time will tell, and I'm depending on God and walking in obedience to Him no matter what. However, I will always care for him, even if that never happens.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I have always had a desire to be a leader. A leader in ministry, a leader in society, a leader in the workplace. I am excited for every opportunity to be a leader that I am given. This summer I was blessed with a leadership position in Heaven Fest, and I have rejoiced over it, I've been humbled by it, and I've given God multitudes of thanks and praises for it. Leadership is something that is very important to me, and it is a sincere desire of my heart. It is something that motivates me, drives me, inspires me.

But recently, I have been taking a look at my life and my relationships, and I have realized over the past few months that many people in my life do not see me as a leader. Some of these people include people who are close to me and important to me and whose opinions, input, advice, and insight are valuable to me. It hasn't been things that they've said...Their behavior communicated this to me. It's communicated in their responses when I volunteer for a leadership position - they're nonverbal cues. It's communicated when I see them passing me by to seek advice and encouragement from someone else. They talk to me about the issues, they act interested in my help - but when it's that moment when they NEED advice, prayer, or help... they go to someone else. That's discouraging - and thought provoking.

I don't think any of the people who have communicated these things to me have known that they were. I don't think they have any idea. I think it's all subconscious. To them, at least. Me, I see it clearly. It hurts, definitely. It's disappointing. But I'm not holding it against anybody. it mostly just makes me ask, "Why not? Why don't they seek those things from me? Why are they passing me by? What qualities of a leader am I missing? How can I develop them?"

I was praying about this a bit last night, and God gave me three things that to me, seem like the basis for Christian leadership. They might sound obvious - but at the time God revealed them to me, He helped me to understand why and how these things play specifically into leadership - not just the Christian life or walk.

1) Intercede in prayer for people as they are talking about their struggles. Pray then and there. Of course, don't stop there. Pray for them in your quiet time as well. Become a prayer warrior.

2) Get in the Word and get to know GOD! The more knowledge you have of the Bible and of who God is, the more people are going to come to you for advice and insight.

3) Seek to be like Christ. Seek to respond and act as he would in various situations, every situation you encounter. The more people see you living like Christ, the more they are going to be drawn to you and again, seek you for wisdom and advice, help and insight.

As I was writing this post, I took a break to watch a music video for Kari Jobe's "You Are For Me." It moved me deeply and almost made me cry. It spoke to me that God is for me, and that He is going to develop the leader in me. He sees the leader inside me even though many right now do not or can not. He sees who I can be and the plans He has to use me, when others pass me by. And He won't abandon the work that He is doing in me.

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 1:6

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Retail Work Day

This past Saturday, July 10th, I had my first full day working in action as retail director for this year's Heaven Fest. We gathered about 10 servant-hearted volunteers (praise the Lord for them!)and set about to a day of sorting, folding, banding, sorting some more, building, and painting.

I was a little less prepared than I wish I had been, but now I know better for the rest of my Heaven Fest experience - at least I have enough time to fix that before the day of and didn't have that happen on the day-of. Although, I'm sure a few things will come up that I wasn't prepared for. I've been sufficiently warned that they will:) But at least I can try! lol.

As we were loading boxes into the storage trailer at the church, I was struck with the thought of why we do Heaven Fest. Here is this group of people that, with the leading of the Holy Spirit of course, just decided, "Let's put on a Christian music festival!" and set out to accomplish an enormous amount of work to do so. Here is a group of people who are accomplishing not only the myriad administrative tasks necessary to put on Heaven Fest but also the manual labor - lifting boxes, preparing fields, hammering wood stakes, putting up fencing, building stages from scratch... it's mind boggling. It's a LOT of work.

And as I myself was participating in some of that work, I asked myself why they/we are going to so much work... and the simple answer was, "To share the love of the Lord." I was humbled by the amount of love it takes for a group of people to go to that much work to share the love of the Lord with people. I also realized the change in my heart, that it was the same reason I was doing it. That I am taking part in that. That I am now motivated by a sincere desire to minister to others with the love of the Lord as opposed to just living for myself and my own satisfaction. And that is a welcome, humbling, and fulfilling change for which I am so thankful to the Lord. There is no other place I'd rather be - figuratively, and literally.

Note: Please do not think that I am writing this just to sing my own praises. I come from a very selfish background, in which I spent the majority of my life as a Christian not wholeheartedly committing my life to him. But I've finally crossed the line of giving my whole life to Him, and the life on this side of the line is WELL worth it. I will never be going back!

I love you, Lord!

Friday, July 9, 2010

What It Means To Give

Dear Friends,

A couple of weeks ago or so, I posted on my blog and snail-mailed/emailed Heaven Fest support letters. Many of the people I sent those to do not belong to Christian congregations (I'm not judging anything against them), and I realized that they might not understand the concept of "financial support" in this kind of a situation. So I am writing a post to explain what I mean when I ask for financial support while I spend my summer working with Heaven Fest.

Heaven Fest is a non-profit organization designed to minister to Christians and non-Christians alike. It promotes worship and God's word. They also donate the majority of the proceeds earned from ticket sales, vendor fees, and merchandise sales to charities that benefit the poor, orphaned, widowed, and sexually trafficked - as we are called to do in the Bible. Heaven Fest wouldn't be possible without donations and efforts of volunteers.

Asking for financial support while I work with Heaven Fest is much like asking for financial support as if I were a missionary going to work in a third world country to bring them the gospel. This summer, Heaven Fest is kind of like my mission field. It where God has called me to minister for His glory.

Many people feel led to support missionaries and events like Heaven Fest because they feel compelled to support the cause. This is what I refer to when I say, "If you feel led to give." You might feel led to give because you enjoy the event, support the cause, or just want to help support me and what I am passionate about this summer. If you don't feel led, however, then of course I would not ask you to give. Part of my motivation for sending a support letter was not to just ask for support, but to let the people that I love and have previously supported and encouraged me through out my life know what I am doing this summer and how excited I am about it.

Many times, God calls us to do things that seem irrational to humans - but he always has a perfect plan and purpose. This summer, He called me to be unemployed and focus my efforts on Heaven Fest. I am very busy... I'm just not getting paid for it. I am lucky that I am receiving some financial support from my ex-husband over the summer (after months of hassle with the military), but it is not enough to cover all of my needs. I did try to obtain a part-time position that would fill in the gaps, but I had no luck. Now, it is about 6 weeks until I am available for full-time employment, so I am focusing my efforts on obtaining a full-time position to begin at the end of August. God's will doesn't always make sense to us, but as long as we are obedient to Him, He will always make a way for us and provide for our needs.

I wanted to write this post to help those of you who might not have been familiar with the idea of financial support in the Christian world understand where I was coming from in sending out my Heaven Fest support letters and also to clear up any misconceptions that I am simply asking for a free ride. I am in the center of God's will for me this summer, and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes God's will requires a risk, but it's always worth it!

I do still need financial support to help me make it through the rest of my time with Heaven Fest. You may of course use the paypal button on my blog for ease and efficiency. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions or offenses! Regardless of whether or not you enjoyed my letter simply for the update or do wish to give, I appreciate everyone most of all for their love, emotional support, encouragement, and prayers. More valuable than money, I could never survive this life without those things - especially during this most recent season I have been going through. Thankfully, God has completely turned my life around, and Heaven Fest is a big part of that. I am so so thankful to Him for everything and so thankful to be a part of Heaven Fest. It is an enormous gift.

Thank you guys for everything!!!



Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Divo' court, Colorado Style

So, today was my first court appearance for my divorce. And it was QUITE an experience.

I got NO sleep the night before - I don't think it was because I was nervous, but who knows. My mind just was swirling in crazy non-sensical circles and I was tossing and turning all night - so I was a bit of a zombie the whole way through. Thankfully I had Josh to ease any jitters I might have had by giving me an award winning monologue to perform as I entered the courtroom, which began with, "Hey hey judge, I'm here fo' the divo!!!" And continued with things like, "I had to flee, yo kno', for my SAFETY, and all I'm asking fo' is 7.5 mil... that should be enough to get me through the next two years!" I definitely needed that respite of laughter to help get me through the morning :)

I was 99% sure that my ex would not be attending the appearance, but I didn't want to rule out the possibility. As the other couples filing for divorce entered into the first room we were in, I kind of tried to peek to see if I saw him without fully turning my head, not wanting him to think I was looking for him if he WAS there. Thankfully, just as I thought, he didn't show - which was a huge answer to prayer, because the Lord knew I did NOT want to see him. It struck me that there the room was completely filled with divorcing couples, and that they hold these meetings multiple times a day, every day. It made me sad to think of couples divorcing in droves like that.

Eventually, myself and my lawyer and about 6 other divorcing couples were escorted to a different room in order to appear before a judge. In those moments I was SO THANKFUL that I have a lawyer!!! I don't know what I would do without him! I would have been at a total loss!!! It is such a gift from God. Thank you Lord!!!

It was kind of interesting sitting that room, though. As we all waited for our cases to be called, everyone was looking at each other and listening to the other couples talk before the judge... plenty of questions ran through my head about every couple. "What happened? How long had they been married? Did he cheat on her? Did they get married only because she got pregnant? Was he abusive too? Why in the world did she choose him?!" I probably looked like a crazy person a few times, because as I was sitting in the courtroom surrounded by people divorcing, I smiled to myself as I kept recalling Josh's "Hey Hey judge, I'm here fo' the divo!!!" lol.

As I sat at the table in front of the judge and my lawyer was speaking, I could feel their eyes on me and their ears listening to my case, their thoughts turning to the very same questions. When the judge asked if we had any children and my lawyer answered no, I heard the woman directly behind me say, "Oh that's good."

By the time it was over, I was ready to drop DEAD from being so tired... I was thanking the Lord that I had the blessing of being able to go back to sleep when I got home! I woke up at 1:30 p.m. and started my day all over again the way I would have if it had been 8 a.m.

The judge ordered my ex and I to appear before a mediator... but good luck with that! At the rate that he is cooperating, that won't be happening =p It sounds like this is going to take a little longer than anticipated perhaps, and after my experience today, I am definitely looking forward to it being over. I'm doing ok emotionally... but still can't wait until this is completely behind me.

It's funny though... he probably thinks he is making all of this more difficult by not showing up and is probably reveling in that... little does he know, he's making it a million times easier!! I do enjoy the occasional situation in which his stupidity benefits me :)

Lesson of the day: Never get into a relationship with someone with a known sin issue. Even if you think it's just a tiny little thing, it could come back to bite you =p

Friday, July 2, 2010

Heaven Fest/Life Update

Hey Friends!!!

Well, per my last post, I assured my friends and family that I would be posting updates of my experiences with Heaven Fest here on my blog. It's a little overdue, but here is my first update!

First of all, working with Heaven Fest has brought so much joy to my heart. There is a peace that passes understanding when you know deep down in your soul without an ounce of conflict or confusion that you are RIGHT where you are supposed to be - and that is how I feel about Heaven Fest. I've never worked at a job where I haven't a single ounce of desire not to go or not to work there - but that's how it is with Heaven Fest - I never have those feelings about it, and that is a first for me! And a definite praise to the Lord! I've been waiting a long time for this feeling, and God has been so faithful to provide it.

Lately I have been working on some of the logistics for the reatil tents in my position as the retail director. We have finalized and ordered apparel, met some of the managers we will be working with, finalized technicalities like electricity and signs we will be using... all that fun stuff! It has been great! As an intern I do anything and everything. This week that included doing some work in the Heaven Fest Database - which unfortunately I botched the first time! Luckily it was fixable and it did not take long to correct the mistake :)

On June 27th I attended my first leadership meeting, which was amazing! The worship ministered to me greatly, and I was broken with gratefulness that God has blessed me with these positions and the gift of working with Heaven Fest. It is a dream come true that I feel is only the first step to many more dreams coming true - and beyond! I'm so thankful to be in the Lord's will for me and that He is using me in ministry, my heart's desire.

It is officially "crazy time", the month leading up to the big day when everything gets super busy and crazy! But I am honestly excited for that!!! haha. My only conflict right now is what to do about my sleeping accomodations on the night after the big day (which will end during the wee hours of the morning on August 1st. I will be working about 20 hours that day, and I know I will not want to drive 45 minutes to get home! I am praying on what to do about that :)

As far as life goes, I recently suffered a hurt and disappointment by someone I thought was a friend. I was extremely hurt at first, and I wanted to let them know it... after discussing the matter with others, some thought I should. So I wrote a first draft email... but after that, I felt release from everything negative I was feeling about it, and now I feel peace. So much so that I don't even feel the need to finish writing and send the email. Maybe it was simply meant to be a therapeutic exercise :)

My days are definitely steadily busy. I have missed some friends I haven't seen in some time, but thankfully I am beginning to get opportunities to catch up with them.

For those of you praying for me through this journey, I have a few prayer requests:

1) I have learned of a job that is exactly everything I have been dreaming of and praying for regarding the job that I need God to provide me with when my obligations with Heaven Fest are over... but I think it will definitely require God to actually obtain it! Please steadily pray that God's will would be done and that He would open all the doors and do everything necessary to ensure it for me if that is His will. (But I really, really want it!!!)

2) My uncle is getting married on August 15th - right when I am finished with Heaven Fest, and I am responding yes to the invite on faith that God is going to provide me with the money that I need to travel to Massachussetts (a place I also consider my home just as much as NY and CO). Please pray with me that God would provide the money.

3) Please pray for the remaining retail managers and volunteers we need for Heaven Fest. It isn't possible to pull off the big day without them!

4) Please pray for strength to withstand the attacks of the devil on the leadership during this busy time. Please pray for patience and grace with each other! And also for a clear head :)

Thank you all SO much for praying for me and supporting me during this exciting time. Again, if you led to support me financially during this time (I am relying on the provision of the Lord as it is too late to obtain a part-time job at this point and I had difficulty in finding one earlier), you may do so using the Pay Pal button on my blog or sending a check per the direction in my post labeled "An Exciting Update!"

I love you all!

~ Sara