Friday, August 6, 2010

Lessons After Heaven Fest

Hey Guys! I'm back from working my booty off for Heaven Fest. And it was worth it!!!!

There are so many stories and moments to talk about in telling you guys about it, but I think it will literally take 5 separate posts! It was hard work, it was stressful, it was dirty (literally), it was hot, it was sweaty, it was tiring, it was fun, it was full of laughter and smiles, it was moving, it was a high, it was ministering to volunteers, it was volunteers ministering to me... it was God's name being glorified and His love being poured out... it was amazing. And SO worth it. And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. And God willing, I will again next year!

I was thrilled to arrive home (I stayed with another Heaven Fester who lived closer to the site for the week), but my first week after Heaven Fest was waiting with some challenges for me. First, working that hard for a huge ministry event fills you with various emotions, and you really need to process through them afterwards... so I had that going on. After the event I had one day off and then I had to jump back into going to the office this week. But the doozy was finding out that my ex's spousal support did not come through this month.

He already owes me over $2,000 for previous missed payments, but finally, June and July came through. I was really depending on that money this month, though I was relying on God for the rest of the money I needed to pay my bills (the support pays most, but not all). I had been saying in July that God was going to do miracles for me this month... but now I REALLY needed a miracle.

It left me really broken. After everything he's done to me, to know that he's screwing around so that he can hurt me further by not providing the money that he's supposed to and that I need, really hurts me. Like I need him to hurt me any more? And like I really want him to be able to hurt me from this far away...

I had two days in a row after finding that out that I really struggled to keep it together, as I still had to go into Heaven Fest. It took a lot to not have any breakdowns in the office. My roommates had the pleasure of witnessing those, lol. But they are such gracious sisters and have helped me the whole way through this summer and through the divorce.

I'm still waiting to see how God is going to provide this month... so far He's providing through my ridiculously generous sisters that I live with. God always has a plan... but as for my bills, who knows.

I am currently getting my butt in high gear on my post-Heaven Fest job hunt, and praise Jesus, God graciously provided me with a short-notice interview this Friday morning. It is for a customer service position with Catholic Health Initiatives, a healthcare nonprofit ministry, whose mission I really like.

Regardless of what happens, I am learning in this season just to trust HIS plan, even when it doesn't look like what I had in mind or what I asked for or what I want. God sees way more than we do - sometimes what we THINK we want might not turn out to be what we want, and His preventing us from going our own way is really Him saving us from heartache. And He has a bigger purpose in giving us things that look like something we don't want - remember, His will is always for the salvation of souls and the glory of HIS name.

I've struggled for many years over wondering how my big dreams are going to come true, when it feels like I'm a million miles away... but God has really been working the lesson of being faithful into me. Being faithful to do what He's called me to RIGHT NOW and doing my best at it - and He will take care of the rest.

I started reading "Coming Back Stronger" by Drew Brees at Barnes and Noble today... and as I was reading his inspiring story (even though I'm still in the early years of the story), I was filled with the sense that God has bigger things in store for me than I can even imagine... things I have NO idea of. And that filled me with a peace about being faithful with where I am right now, while simultaneously encouraging me to pursue my dreams and the visions God's given me as best as I can.

"Do your best and give God the rest."

I was also convinced that I need to marry a Christian NFL player... And we DID just get Tim Tebow ;) LOL!

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