Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tests and Blessings

A little while ago I wrote a post describing some of the difficulties I began going through immediately after Heaven Fest. Isn't that just like Satan to want to shoot us down when we're on a spiritual high? These past two weeks have definitely been a test of faith for me. I have been so broke that I didn't know how I was going to buy food. I have been heart broken that my ex would continue to deliberately hurt me even while being so far away and not immediately in his life anymore, considering all that he's already put me through and done to me. I've been applying for jobs, uncertain of when I am going to once again have a salary that meets my needs and allow me to pay my bills on time (and to catch up on the ones that are now late). I have interviewed for a job I seriously wanted, only to get rejected the next morning.

These two weeks have been HARD.

But God has been steadily providing for me and showering me with blessings along the way, reminding me that He loves me. He once again moved my roommates to help take care of me, which they've graciously done more than once this summer. He provided a single day temp job, money from babysitting.... He blessed me with a freelance writing opportunity that not only provided for my physical needs but blessed me emotionally. He even showed that He cares through the little things - like giving me a grande frapp at Starbucks when I had ordered a tall and lamented over how expensive it was (talls used to be 3-something, now they're 4-something) - on a day when I truly just needed a pick-me-up. Today, he blessed me with the possibility of a long-term temp assignment, which will at least give me some income while I continue looking for a permanent position.

God has been SO faithful to take care of me every day, even while the big questions and big needs are still to be answered. God always gives us enough for the moment. And while I've been doing my best to be strong in the face of adversity, He has seen me and blessed me. How can you not be in love with a God like that?

When I told my mom about the freelance assignment, she said, "Wow, Sara. God is really moving in your life." She was referring to the succession of the opportunities with Heaven Fest and the freelancing. That really encouraged me. I know He is, but it gives me continued hope that He is and that He will continue to give me such amazing opportunities. My life has honestly been better than ever and chock-full of blessings, opportunities, and growth since I separated from my ex, and I have been filled with a new love for life that I didn't have before. I just hope it keeps going in the same direction, you know?

However, I've had some sobering realizations in the past week regarding my blog and even my presence on Facebook. And that is that they are pretty narcissistic! Though my blog talks about God a lot, it serves as an ego boost when people read it. And let's face it, most of the posts are about my life. When it comes to Facebook. I realize that a lot of my posts are just talking about me! Or asking people to pray for me, asking for help in networking for jobs, etc... instead of reaching out to others and giving. That hit home a little bit. It was a little hard to realize, and the truth is I want that to change. There has been a lot of talk about how Facebook is all about our generation's narcissism, but that doesn't have to be the case... we can use it for worthy causes, for ministry, and for glorying God's name. It's all about how you use it.

Let's make it less about our name, and more about HIS.

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