This past Friday, I had some extra time before I had to tutor. I quickly took advantage of the time to browse all of the new Christmas goodies at the Target around the corner of where I had to be in an hour.
Christmas is my favorite holiday by far. I love the decorations, the food, the music, the spirit of it, the family, the celebrations, and of course, the reason behind it. And Target is one of my favorite stores for buying half of that stuff!
As I was browsing the aisles, I came across a snowman mug that was reminiscent of one I had during my childhood, and then it started - a familiar sadness I have felt around the holidays during recent years.
As a child of divorced parents, the holidays have been discombobulated for some time now. My nuclear family is never all together; in fact, not even a majority of them are. Each member of my nuclear family is often in a different location for the holidays now. And since I have moved far away, I haven't been able to join my family for the holidays going on 3 years in a row. So the holidays bring a sad longing for the family togetherness that is supposed to fill the holidays with joy.
Additionally, this is my first Christmas after spending my last two with my ex-husband. Those were both of the Christmases that I was not able to see my family, and as the joining with my husband was the start of a new family, I worked hard to make those holidays memorable - even sacrificing my father's Christmas gift to put toward my husband's. So, understandably, these holidays are going to be doubly hard.
I am anticipating the difficult moments, but I am also looking forward to this Christmas as a time to start again and make new memories. Thankfully, though it won't be mine, I will have a family with whom to spend the holidays. As I move forward through the holidays this year, I am depending on the Lord to get me through the hard times and praying that it will be His son's birth that gives me the most joy of all.