Last night was awesome. Wanna know why?
Last night, I picked up a guitar while finally having a productive source to teach me how to play it.
Why is that so important to me?
Because I have wanted to play for YEARS.
Something not many people know about me is that I am incredibly passionate about music. I've been singing since I was around 4 or 5 (with grandpa's homevideos to prove it), but only where and when other people couldn't hear me - church not included, however,I don't belt it out at church like I do in my car, and you can't hear me above the instruments and everyone else anyway =p I wasn't confident in my abilities, I'd had people (my siblings - I'm not sure they truly count) tell me I was bad (though I've had others tell me that I'm good), and I was deathly afraid of being rejected over something I cared so deeply about.
Since about the end of August, I began babysitting for a woman who is a Christian lifecoach. Life coaching is something I'd been wanting to do for a few years, as I've struggled to figure out where I was supposed to be going with my life and career and exactly what God had made me for. So, I asked if we could do a service trade - babysitting for coaching - and she agreed.
Early in the coaching (using a workbook she had written filled with various exercises), I completed an assignment of creating a timeline filled with various experiences and events and also a story of my life 5 years in the future. The timeline made one thing very clear: I had passions and abilities that God had given me for writing and for music that I have not fully developed or even pursued. I was immediately struck with a conviction that this was dishonoring to God. It also made me quite sad that I had neglected things that were so important to me and inherently part of who I am. I had quietly tucked my dreams about singing and songwriting in a "not-doable" folder years ago, and while I definitely wanted writing in general to be part of my career future, I hadn't pursued it like I'd truly wanted to.
Instantly, I felt liberated to pursue these things and to be who I am. And that is exactly what I am doing now. I have purchased tools to assist me in developing a freelancing career as well as a songwriting career, and I am not withholding the truth about myself any longer. I am unashamedly pursuing the things I love no matter what negative things people may say about it. I feel that pursuing the talents, abilities, and passions that God has given us is our duty as children and servants of God, and I intend to do that. Where that will take me and what God's will for using those things entails, I do not know. I only know that I have formulated progressive and realistic goals, and I intend to achieve them.
My passion for music outweighs my desire to be a freelancer, but I desire both. Right now I am concentrating more on my music. But as I pursue it more and more, I am filled with even more satisfaction, excitement, and joy, and I just can't keep it to myself anymore - I LOVE MUSIC.
And as I indulge my true passions and pursue them, I am convinced that pursuing the things that God has put inside of us - our natural talents, abilities, and passions - is what leads us to live fully as ourselves and to glorify God to the best of our abilities - far better than if we lived our entire lives denying those realities.
I also have realized that if I had continued to deny these passions because of sheer doubt, I would have DEFINITELY arrived at the end of my life regretful. I am young, single, childless... besides the bills I'm responsible for, this is the ideal time for me to pursue my dreams, and whether I land a songwriting contract or a full-time career as a freelancer or not, I will be fully satisfied that I lived as fully myself and did my best to achieve my dreams.
And I encourage everyone to do the same :)