Saturday, October 9, 2010

Light up the Sky

More than ever before, I have felt the Lord "Light Up The Sky" in my life.

The theme of the song "Light up the Sky" by The Afters is that God will go to any length, and always does, to show us that He is with us and to comfort us when we need Him.

Never before in my life, until my return to Colorado in early 2010, have I felt him "Light up the Sky" in my life every single time I needed him. Every single time I have become discouraged, every single time I have been in pain and tears from the difficult things I've walked through and the wounds that they've caused, every time I was in need - physically, emotionally, or spiritually... I felt God come to my rescue to comfort me, answer me, strengthen me, and provide for me. Every. Single. Time. And it has left me in unending awe, wonder, and amazement.

Today was another one of those days. I was struggling with my emotions regarding a certain situation and person. It has been ongoing for a while. I know the devil is and has been trying to destroy this relationship. He is trying to incite me to anger against this person so that I will not behave in a way that will glorify Him in the circumstances this person and I are in within our relationship at the present time. But still, I could not quite understand why the same feelings about this person and situation would come up over and over again.

So today, instead of just asking God to take it away, I asked Him for understanding. I asked Him to show me why I was having these feelings, where they were coming from. And the answer that I got today was that I still have a lot of open wounds from my ex. And all of a sudden, I felt the darkness from that time come up again. It was enhanced by the fact that I had a reason why I needed to go on a military base today - which was pretty uncomfortable for me in the first place but it also inevitably led to talking about him in order to explain things to the people who were with me.

Later that afternoon, when I had the time to do a quiet time with Jesus, I decided to go to the mall instead.

While I was on my way there I heard God say, "Why aren't you spending time with me? All you have to do is come."

And I realized it was because I didn't want to face the darkness again. I didn't want to go back into it. I didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to walk through it in order to find healing. Didn't want to look at it at all. I realized that I've been avoiding it a little bit since I've been back in Colorado.

On the other hand, while part of it may have been avoidance, I also realize that God has been giving me every ounce of strength that I've needed to get through this time. It's God's strength that's protected me from completely falling apart into a million pieces. It's because of God's strength that I'm no longer in a place where I am so vulnerable that I will give myself away to any man and thus will not get into anymore abusive relationships. I realize that the strength and love of God is what protects me from the hurts of relationships that are not His will for me and from the wounds caused by men who do not live to glorify Him.

Then I heard God speak to me the truth that Jesus is the source of true hope in this life... and that as long as I have him, I never have to walk into that same darkness again. And I will never face any darkness in this world alone.

Right after God finished speaking those words of hope to me, I drove out of the mall parking lot and saw the beautiful sunset...

God wholeheartedly lit up the sky for me tonight, and I am ever so grateful :)

Only in God is true healing found.

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