Adjustment

Well, I certainly haven't been posting as much as I wanted to lately. These past two weeks have been weeks of adjustments.

I started a new job, which is going well. I have been struggling, however, as I transition into a new season, with finding time for my quiet times with God in order to still get as much time as I need with him. I've also been struggling to define my priorities as I move into a new season of working and seeking to start moving forward on my ministry.

My weekends have ended up being much quieter, however, since Heaven Fest and No Excuses has ended, and that makes me unhappy. I don't like consistently quiet weekends... I like getting out and doing things and having social engagements to attend! So now I feel like I need to seek out more activities and more friends.

I've been adjusting to new terms within a friendship, and navigating those have been a struggle...I'm doing my best. I'm just waiting for a groove to be found and for things to calm down and just get into a consistent and comfortable pattern.

Overall... these have been a hard past two weeks. All the adjustments and things I'm struggling with have translated into me not really being a nice person to live with when I'm home... i.e., my roomies are getting the pleasure of my bad moods when I'm home - or my tiredness and thus me withdrawing quickly to my room. I feel bad about that.

I'm looking forward to, and already enjoying some, of the pleasures that fall brings. I'm thrilled to be enjoying Saints' games all season, thrilled that it's getting cooler, thrilled that cozy fall things like pumpkin spice drinks are back.. excited for sweaters/sweatshirts, hot drinks, fires, blankets... all my favorite fall things. I definitely have great things to look forward to, like finally getting to see my mom for a weekend (it's been more than a year, and usually is between visits). I am looking forward to visiting family for Xmas (that hasn't happened in 2 years). HOPEFULLY also going to a Saints game in person over the holiday.

But still... my heart has definitely been discouraged and suffering through this season transition, and I'm just longing for things to get to a comfortable place and a routine, a groove... so I truly CAN enjoy everything about this season instead of being unhappy the whole time.

Here's hoping, and DEFINITELY praying. God will be faithful to me.

Have a wonderful day, friends.

Tests and Blessings

A little while ago I wrote a post describing some of the difficulties I began going through immediately after Heaven Fest. Isn't that just like Satan to want to shoot us down when we're on a spiritual high? These past two weeks have definitely been a test of faith for me. I have been so broke that I didn't know how I was going to buy food. I have been heart broken that my ex would continue to deliberately hurt me even while being so far away and not immediately in his life anymore, considering all that he's already put me through and done to me. I've been applying for jobs, uncertain of when I am going to once again have a salary that meets my needs and allow me to pay my bills on time (and to catch up on the ones that are now late). I have interviewed for a job I seriously wanted, only to get rejected the next morning.

These two weeks have been HARD.

But God has been steadily providing for me and showering me with blessings along the way, reminding me that He loves me. He once again moved my roommates to help take care of me, which they've graciously done more than once this summer. He provided a single day temp job, money from babysitting.... He blessed me with a freelance writing opportunity that not only provided for my physical needs but blessed me emotionally. He even showed that He cares through the little things - like giving me a grande frapp at Starbucks when I had ordered a tall and lamented over how expensive it was (talls used to be 3-something, now they're 4-something) - on a day when I truly just needed a pick-me-up. Today, he blessed me with the possibility of a long-term temp assignment, which will at least give me some income while I continue looking for a permanent position.

God has been SO faithful to take care of me every day, even while the big questions and big needs are still to be answered. God always gives us enough for the moment. And while I've been doing my best to be strong in the face of adversity, He has seen me and blessed me. How can you not be in love with a God like that?

When I told my mom about the freelance assignment, she said, "Wow, Sara. God is really moving in your life." She was referring to the succession of the opportunities with Heaven Fest and the freelancing. That really encouraged me. I know He is, but it gives me continued hope that He is and that He will continue to give me such amazing opportunities. My life has honestly been better than ever and chock-full of blessings, opportunities, and growth since I separated from my ex, and I have been filled with a new love for life that I didn't have before. I just hope it keeps going in the same direction, you know?

However, I've had some sobering realizations in the past week regarding my blog and even my presence on Facebook. And that is that they are pretty narcissistic! Though my blog talks about God a lot, it serves as an ego boost when people read it. And let's face it, most of the posts are about my life. When it comes to Facebook. I realize that a lot of my posts are just talking about me! Or asking people to pray for me, asking for help in networking for jobs, etc... instead of reaching out to others and giving. That hit home a little bit. It was a little hard to realize, and the truth is I want that to change. There has been a lot of talk about how Facebook is all about our generation's narcissism, but that doesn't have to be the case... we can use it for worthy causes, for ministry, and for glorying God's name. It's all about how you use it.

Let's make it less about our name, and more about HIS.

Lessons After Heaven Fest

Hey Guys! I'm back from working my booty off for Heaven Fest. And it was worth it!!!!

There are so many stories and moments to talk about in telling you guys about it, but I think it will literally take 5 separate posts! It was hard work, it was stressful, it was dirty (literally), it was hot, it was sweaty, it was tiring, it was fun, it was full of laughter and smiles, it was moving, it was a high, it was ministering to volunteers, it was volunteers ministering to me... it was God's name being glorified and His love being poured out... it was amazing. And SO worth it. And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. And God willing, I will again next year!

I was thrilled to arrive home (I stayed with another Heaven Fester who lived closer to the site for the week), but my first week after Heaven Fest was waiting with some challenges for me. First, working that hard for a huge ministry event fills you with various emotions, and you really need to process through them afterwards... so I had that going on. After the event I had one day off and then I had to jump back into going to the office this week. But the doozy was finding out that my ex's spousal support did not come through this month.

He already owes me over $2,000 for previous missed payments, but finally, June and July came through. I was really depending on that money this month, though I was relying on God for the rest of the money I needed to pay my bills (the support pays most, but not all). I had been saying in July that God was going to do miracles for me this month... but now I REALLY needed a miracle.

It left me really broken. After everything he's done to me, to know that he's screwing around so that he can hurt me further by not providing the money that he's supposed to and that I need, really hurts me. Like I need him to hurt me any more? And like I really want him to be able to hurt me from this far away...

I had two days in a row after finding that out that I really struggled to keep it together, as I still had to go into Heaven Fest. It took a lot to not have any breakdowns in the office. My roommates had the pleasure of witnessing those, lol. But they are such gracious sisters and have helped me the whole way through this summer and through the divorce.

I'm still waiting to see how God is going to provide this month... so far He's providing through my ridiculously generous sisters that I live with. God always has a plan... but as for my bills, who knows.

I am currently getting my butt in high gear on my post-Heaven Fest job hunt, and praise Jesus, God graciously provided me with a short-notice interview this Friday morning. It is for a customer service position with Catholic Health Initiatives, a healthcare nonprofit ministry, whose mission I really like.

Regardless of what happens, I am learning in this season just to trust HIS plan, even when it doesn't look like what I had in mind or what I asked for or what I want. God sees way more than we do - sometimes what we THINK we want might not turn out to be what we want, and His preventing us from going our own way is really Him saving us from heartache. And He has a bigger purpose in giving us things that look like something we don't want - remember, His will is always for the salvation of souls and the glory of HIS name.

I've struggled for many years over wondering how my big dreams are going to come true, when it feels like I'm a million miles away... but God has really been working the lesson of being faithful into me. Being faithful to do what He's called me to RIGHT NOW and doing my best at it - and He will take care of the rest.

I started reading "Coming Back Stronger" by Drew Brees at Barnes and Noble today... and as I was reading his inspiring story (even though I'm still in the early years of the story), I was filled with the sense that God has bigger things in store for me than I can even imagine... things I have NO idea of. And that filled me with a peace about being faithful with where I am right now, while simultaneously encouraging me to pursue my dreams and the visions God's given me as best as I can.

"Do your best and give God the rest."

I was also convinced that I need to marry a Christian NFL player... And we DID just get Tim Tebow ;) LOL!

THE BIG WEEK!!!

This is it guys - THE BIG WEEK!!!!

This is the week leading up to Heaven Fest - the Christian music fest I have been working for all summer long as an intern and retail director. I am so grateful for those roles and have been loving every minute of it.

This week is going to be crazy!! A festival of this size requires an entire week to set up and a week to tear down... so this is set up week. We do all kinds of crazy things, from counting T-shirts to hammering fence posts... there's no limit!

I am going to be working around the clock, and because the site and the HF offices are about an hour away from me, I am staying with one of my supervisors and her fam for the week. On a side note, I just love this woman - SO thankful that God put her in my life, she's so awesome. I have been spending the day preparing all my clothes for the week, preparing my food for the week, sending out last minute emails... the works!!!

If you think of me, please pray for me and all the HF leadership - we need lots of grace, patience, energy and positive attitudes this week! And please pray that God will be glorified and the 35,000 attendees we are expecting and hoping for are all ministered to!

I'm so grateful for the love and support from all of you that have gotten me through this season, this summer, and my time with HF! Can't wait to see what God does this week and on the big day. It is going to be so fun! This is a one of a kind experience, and the chance to be a part of the inside workings of it is a privilege and an honor. I can't wait to see what God has in store for the future :)

"My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!"

Retail Work Day

This past Saturday, July 10th, I had my first full day working in action as retail director for this year's Heaven Fest. We gathered about 10 servant-hearted volunteers (praise the Lord for them!)and set about to a day of sorting, folding, banding, sorting some more, building, and painting.

I was a little less prepared than I wish I had been, but now I know better for the rest of my Heaven Fest experience - at least I have enough time to fix that before the day of and didn't have that happen on the day-of. Although, I'm sure a few things will come up that I wasn't prepared for. I've been sufficiently warned that they will:) But at least I can try! lol.

As we were loading boxes into the storage trailer at the church, I was struck with the thought of why we do Heaven Fest. Here is this group of people that, with the leading of the Holy Spirit of course, just decided, "Let's put on a Christian music festival!" and set out to accomplish an enormous amount of work to do so. Here is a group of people who are accomplishing not only the myriad administrative tasks necessary to put on Heaven Fest but also the manual labor - lifting boxes, preparing fields, hammering wood stakes, putting up fencing, building stages from scratch... it's mind boggling. It's a LOT of work.

And as I myself was participating in some of that work, I asked myself why they/we are going to so much work... and the simple answer was, "To share the love of the Lord." I was humbled by the amount of love it takes for a group of people to go to that much work to share the love of the Lord with people. I also realized the change in my heart, that it was the same reason I was doing it. That I am taking part in that. That I am now motivated by a sincere desire to minister to others with the love of the Lord as opposed to just living for myself and my own satisfaction. And that is a welcome, humbling, and fulfilling change for which I am so thankful to the Lord. There is no other place I'd rather be - figuratively, and literally.

Note: Please do not think that I am writing this just to sing my own praises. I come from a very selfish background, in which I spent the majority of my life as a Christian not wholeheartedly committing my life to him. But I've finally crossed the line of giving my whole life to Him, and the life on this side of the line is WELL worth it. I will never be going back!

I love you, Lord!

What It Means To Give

Dear Friends,

A couple of weeks ago or so, I posted on my blog and snail-mailed/emailed Heaven Fest support letters. Many of the people I sent those to do not belong to Christian congregations (I'm not judging anything against them), and I realized that they might not understand the concept of "financial support" in this kind of a situation. So I am writing a post to explain what I mean when I ask for financial support while I spend my summer working with Heaven Fest.

Heaven Fest is a non-profit organization designed to minister to Christians and non-Christians alike. It promotes worship and God's word. They also donate the majority of the proceeds earned from ticket sales, vendor fees, and merchandise sales to charities that benefit the poor, orphaned, widowed, and sexually trafficked - as we are called to do in the Bible. Heaven Fest wouldn't be possible without donations and efforts of volunteers.

Asking for financial support while I work with Heaven Fest is much like asking for financial support as if I were a missionary going to work in a third world country to bring them the gospel. This summer, Heaven Fest is kind of like my mission field. It where God has called me to minister for His glory.

Many people feel led to support missionaries and events like Heaven Fest because they feel compelled to support the cause. This is what I refer to when I say, "If you feel led to give." You might feel led to give because you enjoy the event, support the cause, or just want to help support me and what I am passionate about this summer. If you don't feel led, however, then of course I would not ask you to give. Part of my motivation for sending a support letter was not to just ask for support, but to let the people that I love and have previously supported and encouraged me through out my life know what I am doing this summer and how excited I am about it.

Many times, God calls us to do things that seem irrational to humans - but he always has a perfect plan and purpose. This summer, He called me to be unemployed and focus my efforts on Heaven Fest. I am very busy... I'm just not getting paid for it. I am lucky that I am receiving some financial support from my ex-husband over the summer (after months of hassle with the military), but it is not enough to cover all of my needs. I did try to obtain a part-time position that would fill in the gaps, but I had no luck. Now, it is about 6 weeks until I am available for full-time employment, so I am focusing my efforts on obtaining a full-time position to begin at the end of August. God's will doesn't always make sense to us, but as long as we are obedient to Him, He will always make a way for us and provide for our needs.

I wanted to write this post to help those of you who might not have been familiar with the idea of financial support in the Christian world understand where I was coming from in sending out my Heaven Fest support letters and also to clear up any misconceptions that I am simply asking for a free ride. I am in the center of God's will for me this summer, and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes God's will requires a risk, but it's always worth it!

I do still need financial support to help me make it through the rest of my time with Heaven Fest. You may of course use the paypal button on my blog for ease and efficiency. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions or offenses! Regardless of whether or not you enjoyed my letter simply for the update or do wish to give, I appreciate everyone most of all for their love, emotional support, encouragement, and prayers. More valuable than money, I could never survive this life without those things - especially during this most recent season I have been going through. Thankfully, God has completely turned my life around, and Heaven Fest is a big part of that. I am so so thankful to Him for everything and so thankful to be a part of Heaven Fest. It is an enormous gift.

Thank you guys for everything!!!

Love,

Sara

Heaven Fest/Life Update

Hey Friends!!!

Well, per my last post, I assured my friends and family that I would be posting updates of my experiences with Heaven Fest here on my blog. It's a little overdue, but here is my first update!

First of all, working with Heaven Fest has brought so much joy to my heart. There is a peace that passes understanding when you know deep down in your soul without an ounce of conflict or confusion that you are RIGHT where you are supposed to be - and that is how I feel about Heaven Fest. I've never worked at a job where I haven't a single ounce of desire not to go or not to work there - but that's how it is with Heaven Fest - I never have those feelings about it, and that is a first for me! And a definite praise to the Lord! I've been waiting a long time for this feeling, and God has been so faithful to provide it.

Lately I have been working on some of the logistics for the reatil tents in my position as the retail director. We have finalized and ordered apparel, met some of the managers we will be working with, finalized technicalities like electricity and signs we will be using... all that fun stuff! It has been great! As an intern I do anything and everything. This week that included doing some work in the Heaven Fest Database - which unfortunately I botched the first time! Luckily it was fixable and it did not take long to correct the mistake :)

On June 27th I attended my first leadership meeting, which was amazing! The worship ministered to me greatly, and I was broken with gratefulness that God has blessed me with these positions and the gift of working with Heaven Fest. It is a dream come true that I feel is only the first step to many more dreams coming true - and beyond! I'm so thankful to be in the Lord's will for me and that He is using me in ministry, my heart's desire.

It is officially "crazy time", the month leading up to the big day when everything gets super busy and crazy! But I am honestly excited for that!!! haha. My only conflict right now is what to do about my sleeping accomodations on the night after the big day (which will end during the wee hours of the morning on August 1st. I will be working about 20 hours that day, and I know I will not want to drive 45 minutes to get home! I am praying on what to do about that :)

As far as life goes, I recently suffered a hurt and disappointment by someone I thought was a friend. I was extremely hurt at first, and I wanted to let them know it... after discussing the matter with others, some thought I should. So I wrote a first draft email... but after that, I felt release from everything negative I was feeling about it, and now I feel peace. So much so that I don't even feel the need to finish writing and send the email. Maybe it was simply meant to be a therapeutic exercise :)

My days are definitely steadily busy. I have missed some friends I haven't seen in some time, but thankfully I am beginning to get opportunities to catch up with them.

For those of you praying for me through this journey, I have a few prayer requests:

1) I have learned of a job that is exactly everything I have been dreaming of and praying for regarding the job that I need God to provide me with when my obligations with Heaven Fest are over... but I think it will definitely require God to actually obtain it! Please steadily pray that God's will would be done and that He would open all the doors and do everything necessary to ensure it for me if that is His will. (But I really, really want it!!!)

2) My uncle is getting married on August 15th - right when I am finished with Heaven Fest, and I am responding yes to the invite on faith that God is going to provide me with the money that I need to travel to Massachussetts (a place I also consider my home just as much as NY and CO). Please pray with me that God would provide the money.

3) Please pray for the remaining retail managers and volunteers we need for Heaven Fest. It isn't possible to pull off the big day without them!

4) Please pray for strength to withstand the attacks of the devil on the leadership during this busy time. Please pray for patience and grace with each other! And also for a clear head :)

Thank you all SO much for praying for me and supporting me during this exciting time. Again, if you led to support me financially during this time (I am relying on the provision of the Lord as it is too late to obtain a part-time job at this point and I had difficulty in finding one earlier), you may do so using the Pay Pal button on my blog or sending a check per the direction in my post labeled "An Exciting Update!"


I love you all!

~ Sara

An Exciting Update!

Dear Friends,

My life has taken an exciting turn recently, and I'd like to share it with you. I have been given an awesome opportunity to be a part of great organization, and I'd like to tell you about it and what led me to it.

As a result of my failed marriage experience, I feel called by God to pursue a ministry encouraging youth to pursue lives and relationships that mirror that standards God set for us in the Bible. The vision I have for that ministry includes close involvement with the Christian music industry. As a result, I have pursued and obtained a summer long internship with an organization called Worship and the Word Movement, which every summer coordinates a huge Christian music festival in Colorado called Heaven Fest. Heaven Fest includes over 70 Christian music artists and bands, about a dozen different stages, and other entertainment and activities on the property. You can learn much more about Heaven Fest at www.HeavenFest.com.

Heaven Fest is all about:

- Giving to the poor, the exploited, the orphan, the widow, and the sexually trafficked.
- Bringing people that follow Jesus together to worship HIM.
- Planting and watering seeds of God's word in the hearts of people.
- Lastly, Heaven Fest is what we call a "hope dispenser." We want people that feel hopeless to hook up with the Source of hope - Jesus.

This internship program offers me a unique and exciting learning opportunity to experience the day-to-day logistics of building a massive, one-day, Christian music and arts festival.

Some of the things I will be receiving are:

- Receive hands-on education and training on the planning, coordination and execution of a music and arts festival.
- Understand the influence of music and arts festivals in the public and spiritual communities.
- Establish relationships for my future network.


In addition to being selected as an intern, I have been offered and accepted the position of Retail Director. This is a volunteer leadership position in which I will be managing the 7-8 retail booths that are specifically designated for Heaven Fest merchandise. These booths are essential to helping raise the funds that we donate to organizations that help the poor, the widowed, the sexually trafficked - as mentioned above. This year, one of the main organizations we are donating a portion of the proceeds to is Love 146. You can learn more about them at www.Love146.org. I would especially encourage you to visit the video section of their website - they are very impacting and give an excellent view into the sex trafficking industry and how Love 146 aims to help.

I am thrilled to be a part of Heaven Fest, and I feel that this is an open door to the call that the Lord has placed on my heart to lead a purity ministry. Heaven Fest is a volunteer-based organization that depends heavily on the generosity of others to fulfill its purpose every year. As you can imagine, a commitment like this requires a great deal of time and financial support from a number of people. In order to be able to commit myself fully to this endeavor, I need to raise financial support of about $1,000. If you can give a donation it would be greatly appreciated. And, most importantly, I also need your prayer support. Prayer is the fuel that will allow us to be successful as we follow God's leading in our ministry. Without prayer, little, or nothing will happen. I strongly feel that this is the beginning of a new journey in my life as I devote my time and my heart to serving the Lord in whatever purposes He has for me. This summer, that entails working for Heaven Fest, and I am faithfully trusting that the Lord will sustain me financially as I follow His leading. One of the ways He has been doing that thus far has been through the generosity of friends and family, and I pray that if you feel so led, you will prayerfully join with me by supporting me financially this summer.

Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers! I feel truly blessed to call you friends. You have all blessed me and been a special part of my life. Thank you so much for considering supporting me in this endeavor. I am excited to regularly update you about the experiences I am having and the new things I am learning. A great way to keep up with me would be through my blog, as I will definitely be blogging about my Heaven Fest experiences.

I love you all!

Wishing God’s Blessings Upon You This Summer,

Sara



A Few Details About Donations:
- Your donations can be tax deductible.
- If you would like to make a tax-deductible donation, you would need to make the check out to “Worship and the Word Movement.”
- If you do not wish to make a tax-deductible donation, you may address your checks directly to me at “Sara Gonzalez.”