Lightbulbs. That's the theme of this post :)
Green, red, and white lightbulbs - ok, so - I'm over it. I LOVE Christmas. I am THAT person that pulls out the decorations and puts on the Christmas music as early as she can. And thanks to consumer America, I'm right in sync with every store and shopping center. After bumming over some difficult memories and feelings that I thought would loom around this Christmas to make it a little difficult, those have left my mind, and I am very much looking forward to the holidays. I will be with people I love and it will be the kind of holiday that I've always wanted. I can't wait. And I can afford to buy people presents this year! Not to mention, I cook now, and food always makes the spirit bright ;) As for Thanksgiving, I am totally psyched for that. Can't wait. Soo glad it's next week! This is going to be a great holiday season.
As for other lightbulbs - well, the lightbulb finally went on with ME! I have written previously about how God worked a series of events that led me on a journey I have been on this fall season in rediscovering my true passions and talents and finally incorporating them into my life. One of them is writing. I have been writing since I was 5. Well, long story short, I am in the process of launching my freelancing business. I'm so close, I can taste it - and that's amazing to me! The lightbulb going on wasn't just in realizing that I had permission to pursue my passions and talents because God gave them to me, but in realizing just how perfect a career in freelancing is for me!
So many things add up to a career in freelancing making sense for me:
- I have wanted to start my own business for three years.
- Um, I majored in journalism =p (A major I ended up having to create myself - showcasing my entrepreneurial spirit!)
- I hate the 9-5
- I hate having to GO to work. I want to stay HOME on snowy days!
- I hate working for other people!
- I desire and cherish being able to make my own schedule
- I am passionate about teens, have always wanted to write for teen magazines, and this allows me to do that.
- This will allow me to write for faith-based publications and organizations, which could lead to the writing/speaking ministry career I dream of.
Basically, a career in freelancing somehow magically puts together all of my dreams, preferences, desires, and goals in ONE. I'm not even quite sure how it all works out that well, but it does!
So, this was one big lightbulb week :) And I am so thankful for lightbulbs!
I have managed to put together all the pieces of the starting-a-business puzzle together in approximately one week - almost less than that. Now I am just waiting until Dec. 1st to determine what my budget will be so that I can afford the incorporation fees. And then I will be in business, baby!
I am so thankful and lucky! YAY :)
Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Silver Bells
This past Friday, I had some extra time before I had to tutor. I quickly took advantage of the time to browse all of the new Christmas goodies at the Target around the corner of where I had to be in an hour.
Christmas is my favorite holiday by far. I love the decorations, the food, the music, the spirit of it, the family, the celebrations, and of course, the reason behind it. And Target is one of my favorite stores for buying half of that stuff!
As I was browsing the aisles, I came across a snowman mug that was reminiscent of one I had during my childhood, and then it started - a familiar sadness I have felt around the holidays during recent years.
As a child of divorced parents, the holidays have been discombobulated for some time now. My nuclear family is never all together; in fact, not even a majority of them are. Each member of my nuclear family is often in a different location for the holidays now. And since I have moved far away, I haven't been able to join my family for the holidays going on 3 years in a row. So the holidays bring a sad longing for the family togetherness that is supposed to fill the holidays with joy.
Additionally, this is my first Christmas after spending my last two with my ex-husband. Those were both of the Christmases that I was not able to see my family, and as the joining with my husband was the start of a new family, I worked hard to make those holidays memorable - even sacrificing my father's Christmas gift to put toward my husband's. So, understandably, these holidays are going to be doubly hard.
I am anticipating the difficult moments, but I am also looking forward to this Christmas as a time to start again and make new memories. Thankfully, though it won't be mine, I will have a family with whom to spend the holidays. As I move forward through the holidays this year, I am depending on the Lord to get me through the hard times and praying that it will be His son's birth that gives me the most joy of all.
Christmas is my favorite holiday by far. I love the decorations, the food, the music, the spirit of it, the family, the celebrations, and of course, the reason behind it. And Target is one of my favorite stores for buying half of that stuff!
As I was browsing the aisles, I came across a snowman mug that was reminiscent of one I had during my childhood, and then it started - a familiar sadness I have felt around the holidays during recent years.
As a child of divorced parents, the holidays have been discombobulated for some time now. My nuclear family is never all together; in fact, not even a majority of them are. Each member of my nuclear family is often in a different location for the holidays now. And since I have moved far away, I haven't been able to join my family for the holidays going on 3 years in a row. So the holidays bring a sad longing for the family togetherness that is supposed to fill the holidays with joy.
Additionally, this is my first Christmas after spending my last two with my ex-husband. Those were both of the Christmases that I was not able to see my family, and as the joining with my husband was the start of a new family, I worked hard to make those holidays memorable - even sacrificing my father's Christmas gift to put toward my husband's. So, understandably, these holidays are going to be doubly hard.
I am anticipating the difficult moments, but I am also looking forward to this Christmas as a time to start again and make new memories. Thankfully, though it won't be mine, I will have a family with whom to spend the holidays. As I move forward through the holidays this year, I am depending on the Lord to get me through the hard times and praying that it will be His son's birth that gives me the most joy of all.
Monday, November 8, 2010
I Love Music
Last night was awesome. Wanna know why?
Last night, I picked up a guitar while finally having a productive source to teach me how to play it.
Why is that so important to me?
Because I have wanted to play for YEARS.
Something not many people know about me is that I am incredibly passionate about music. I've been singing since I was around 4 or 5 (with grandpa's homevideos to prove it), but only where and when other people couldn't hear me - church not included, however,I don't belt it out at church like I do in my car, and you can't hear me above the instruments and everyone else anyway =p I wasn't confident in my abilities, I'd had people (my siblings - I'm not sure they truly count) tell me I was bad (though I've had others tell me that I'm good), and I was deathly afraid of being rejected over something I cared so deeply about.
Since about the end of August, I began babysitting for a woman who is a Christian lifecoach. Life coaching is something I'd been wanting to do for a few years, as I've struggled to figure out where I was supposed to be going with my life and career and exactly what God had made me for. So, I asked if we could do a service trade - babysitting for coaching - and she agreed.
Early in the coaching (using a workbook she had written filled with various exercises), I completed an assignment of creating a timeline filled with various experiences and events and also a story of my life 5 years in the future. The timeline made one thing very clear: I had passions and abilities that God had given me for writing and for music that I have not fully developed or even pursued. I was immediately struck with a conviction that this was dishonoring to God. It also made me quite sad that I had neglected things that were so important to me and inherently part of who I am. I had quietly tucked my dreams about singing and songwriting in a "not-doable" folder years ago, and while I definitely wanted writing in general to be part of my career future, I hadn't pursued it like I'd truly wanted to.
Instantly, I felt liberated to pursue these things and to be who I am. And that is exactly what I am doing now. I have purchased tools to assist me in developing a freelancing career as well as a songwriting career, and I am not withholding the truth about myself any longer. I am unashamedly pursuing the things I love no matter what negative things people may say about it. I feel that pursuing the talents, abilities, and passions that God has given us is our duty as children and servants of God, and I intend to do that. Where that will take me and what God's will for using those things entails, I do not know. I only know that I have formulated progressive and realistic goals, and I intend to achieve them.
My passion for music outweighs my desire to be a freelancer, but I desire both. Right now I am concentrating more on my music. But as I pursue it more and more, I am filled with even more satisfaction, excitement, and joy, and I just can't keep it to myself anymore - I LOVE MUSIC.
And as I indulge my true passions and pursue them, I am convinced that pursuing the things that God has put inside of us - our natural talents, abilities, and passions - is what leads us to live fully as ourselves and to glorify God to the best of our abilities - far better than if we lived our entire lives denying those realities.
I also have realized that if I had continued to deny these passions because of sheer doubt, I would have DEFINITELY arrived at the end of my life regretful. I am young, single, childless... besides the bills I'm responsible for, this is the ideal time for me to pursue my dreams, and whether I land a songwriting contract or a full-time career as a freelancer or not, I will be fully satisfied that I lived as fully myself and did my best to achieve my dreams.
And I encourage everyone to do the same :)
Last night, I picked up a guitar while finally having a productive source to teach me how to play it.
Why is that so important to me?
Because I have wanted to play for YEARS.
Something not many people know about me is that I am incredibly passionate about music. I've been singing since I was around 4 or 5 (with grandpa's homevideos to prove it), but only where and when other people couldn't hear me - church not included, however,I don't belt it out at church like I do in my car, and you can't hear me above the instruments and everyone else anyway =p I wasn't confident in my abilities, I'd had people (my siblings - I'm not sure they truly count) tell me I was bad (though I've had others tell me that I'm good), and I was deathly afraid of being rejected over something I cared so deeply about.
Since about the end of August, I began babysitting for a woman who is a Christian lifecoach. Life coaching is something I'd been wanting to do for a few years, as I've struggled to figure out where I was supposed to be going with my life and career and exactly what God had made me for. So, I asked if we could do a service trade - babysitting for coaching - and she agreed.
Early in the coaching (using a workbook she had written filled with various exercises), I completed an assignment of creating a timeline filled with various experiences and events and also a story of my life 5 years in the future. The timeline made one thing very clear: I had passions and abilities that God had given me for writing and for music that I have not fully developed or even pursued. I was immediately struck with a conviction that this was dishonoring to God. It also made me quite sad that I had neglected things that were so important to me and inherently part of who I am. I had quietly tucked my dreams about singing and songwriting in a "not-doable" folder years ago, and while I definitely wanted writing in general to be part of my career future, I hadn't pursued it like I'd truly wanted to.
Instantly, I felt liberated to pursue these things and to be who I am. And that is exactly what I am doing now. I have purchased tools to assist me in developing a freelancing career as well as a songwriting career, and I am not withholding the truth about myself any longer. I am unashamedly pursuing the things I love no matter what negative things people may say about it. I feel that pursuing the talents, abilities, and passions that God has given us is our duty as children and servants of God, and I intend to do that. Where that will take me and what God's will for using those things entails, I do not know. I only know that I have formulated progressive and realistic goals, and I intend to achieve them.
My passion for music outweighs my desire to be a freelancer, but I desire both. Right now I am concentrating more on my music. But as I pursue it more and more, I am filled with even more satisfaction, excitement, and joy, and I just can't keep it to myself anymore - I LOVE MUSIC.
And as I indulge my true passions and pursue them, I am convinced that pursuing the things that God has put inside of us - our natural talents, abilities, and passions - is what leads us to live fully as ourselves and to glorify God to the best of our abilities - far better than if we lived our entire lives denying those realities.
I also have realized that if I had continued to deny these passions because of sheer doubt, I would have DEFINITELY arrived at the end of my life regretful. I am young, single, childless... besides the bills I'm responsible for, this is the ideal time for me to pursue my dreams, and whether I land a songwriting contract or a full-time career as a freelancer or not, I will be fully satisfied that I lived as fully myself and did my best to achieve my dreams.
And I encourage everyone to do the same :)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Fall Delicacies
MMmmmm, fall is HERE!
Some weeks ago now, as I was adjusting to my new responsibilities that the fall season brought, I was anxious that I would be so stressed out and struggling that I would miss the blessings of this season - that I would be unhappy instead of joyful. I am so thankful and give all praise to God that was not the outcome! I have already been SO blessed by this season, and it's not even half over!
Many of you know my heart for youth ministry. I truly feel, and know, that God's calling is for me to minister to hurting teens. Though I felt called to start my own ministry and think that might still be in God's cards for me someday, I wasn't sure what God's will was for me in terms of preparation for that and pursuing that during this new season, as I am so busy with work - two jobs, one full-time and one part-time after my regular job on the weekdays. (Praise God for both, for He is sovereignly providing for my needs!) God had that all taken care of, though. God has blessed me with the opportunity to serve as a youth group at Northern Hills Christian Church - my HUGE blessing of a home church. I am not sure I have ever belonged to a more awesome church! It's everything I was praying for and more. Though I haven't been involved with the youth group and the leadership team very long, God has already blessed me. The leaders are amazing sisters and brothers in Chris, and I immediately fell in love with them and felt like family with them. Youth group itself is so fun, such a throwback to high school which is fun in itself :) I am so thankful that God has called me to ministry in this season, because I felt like I was dying without it! I am so excited to see what He will do, in these children, in me, and through me.
As I have become increasingly busy, I have not had time or desire to cook on the weeknights. Nor, extensively, at any given point in my life. I've had spurts here and there, but they've never lasted long. To my own surprise, the Sundays of this beautiful fall have found me with the desire, the means, and the opportunity to begin cooking more homemade meals. I love the idea of a delicious home-cooked meal on Sunday :) The cooler weather makes me want to cook more than summer or spring do. And roasts are currently my cooking fetish. I have made roasted chicken and roasted pork. Now on to roast beef!
God allowed these two things, cooking and youth group leadership, to coincide this past Sunday in a wonderful way. I had again planned to cook this Sunday and had planned a meal I was excited to try. I wanted to bless a pair of leaders (married) and their family by cooking for them, and instead was blessed with two families! So I ended up getting to host them at my house and cooking for a total of 13 people. This was truly a blessing to me not only because I love to bless other people, but because I have wanted to be able to host my friends at my house for a long time and had never had the friends or the right opportunity! God has not only provided the new friends I prayed for, but the opportunity to bless them and host them in the home I love, and I was so thankful for that. Though it didn't go EXACTLY how I wish it had, it was pretty smooth nonetheless, and I'm glad I got to make their tummies happy!
Now I sit in my living room in front of beautiful fire and a lit candle and wrapped in a cozy blanket in the midst of a quiet house. These are more of the cold-weather blessings that make my heart SO happy. They also give me the rejuvenation I need to endure all the hours I must put in working. I am the queen of "cozy" - I LOVE all the cozy things... candles, fires, good food, blankets... fall leaves, or freshly fallen snow... they are my favorite things! Fall and winter truly are my favorite seasons, and Colorado is my favorite place to enjoy them. I am so thankful and so blessed to live here. This season has filled me with non-stop astoundment at how God has blessed me with the things I have longed for so long and how he has blessed me abundantly after I had been in such a dark place. It amazes me to see the differences in my life now and a year ago. God is SO GOOD.
Often when I think of these blessings and shake my head or smile in amazement and wonderment, I remind myself that this is a mountain top, and the hard times will come. But I know that the blessings God has given me are not only tangible. He has given me increased strength in Him, increased faith in Him, increased family in Christ... I know that the next time the serious trials come, I will be able to stand more strongly against them, thanks to the intangible things He has given me. Praise be to God.
Some weeks ago now, as I was adjusting to my new responsibilities that the fall season brought, I was anxious that I would be so stressed out and struggling that I would miss the blessings of this season - that I would be unhappy instead of joyful. I am so thankful and give all praise to God that was not the outcome! I have already been SO blessed by this season, and it's not even half over!
Many of you know my heart for youth ministry. I truly feel, and know, that God's calling is for me to minister to hurting teens. Though I felt called to start my own ministry and think that might still be in God's cards for me someday, I wasn't sure what God's will was for me in terms of preparation for that and pursuing that during this new season, as I am so busy with work - two jobs, one full-time and one part-time after my regular job on the weekdays. (Praise God for both, for He is sovereignly providing for my needs!) God had that all taken care of, though. God has blessed me with the opportunity to serve as a youth group at Northern Hills Christian Church - my HUGE blessing of a home church. I am not sure I have ever belonged to a more awesome church! It's everything I was praying for and more. Though I haven't been involved with the youth group and the leadership team very long, God has already blessed me. The leaders are amazing sisters and brothers in Chris, and I immediately fell in love with them and felt like family with them. Youth group itself is so fun, such a throwback to high school which is fun in itself :) I am so thankful that God has called me to ministry in this season, because I felt like I was dying without it! I am so excited to see what He will do, in these children, in me, and through me.
As I have become increasingly busy, I have not had time or desire to cook on the weeknights. Nor, extensively, at any given point in my life. I've had spurts here and there, but they've never lasted long. To my own surprise, the Sundays of this beautiful fall have found me with the desire, the means, and the opportunity to begin cooking more homemade meals. I love the idea of a delicious home-cooked meal on Sunday :) The cooler weather makes me want to cook more than summer or spring do. And roasts are currently my cooking fetish. I have made roasted chicken and roasted pork. Now on to roast beef!
God allowed these two things, cooking and youth group leadership, to coincide this past Sunday in a wonderful way. I had again planned to cook this Sunday and had planned a meal I was excited to try. I wanted to bless a pair of leaders (married) and their family by cooking for them, and instead was blessed with two families! So I ended up getting to host them at my house and cooking for a total of 13 people. This was truly a blessing to me not only because I love to bless other people, but because I have wanted to be able to host my friends at my house for a long time and had never had the friends or the right opportunity! God has not only provided the new friends I prayed for, but the opportunity to bless them and host them in the home I love, and I was so thankful for that. Though it didn't go EXACTLY how I wish it had, it was pretty smooth nonetheless, and I'm glad I got to make their tummies happy!
Now I sit in my living room in front of beautiful fire and a lit candle and wrapped in a cozy blanket in the midst of a quiet house. These are more of the cold-weather blessings that make my heart SO happy. They also give me the rejuvenation I need to endure all the hours I must put in working. I am the queen of "cozy" - I LOVE all the cozy things... candles, fires, good food, blankets... fall leaves, or freshly fallen snow... they are my favorite things! Fall and winter truly are my favorite seasons, and Colorado is my favorite place to enjoy them. I am so thankful and so blessed to live here. This season has filled me with non-stop astoundment at how God has blessed me with the things I have longed for so long and how he has blessed me abundantly after I had been in such a dark place. It amazes me to see the differences in my life now and a year ago. God is SO GOOD.
Often when I think of these blessings and shake my head or smile in amazement and wonderment, I remind myself that this is a mountain top, and the hard times will come. But I know that the blessings God has given me are not only tangible. He has given me increased strength in Him, increased faith in Him, increased family in Christ... I know that the next time the serious trials come, I will be able to stand more strongly against them, thanks to the intangible things He has given me. Praise be to God.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Speaking Words of Prophecy
WOW. WOW, WOW, WOW.
After I finished writing my post from Saturday, October 9th, 2010, I began rereading some of my older posts. First, I found that I had been hearing the same word from God that someone else had heard God say for me in their own prayer time. That was pretty awesome in and of itself. But then, I found something even better :)
I returned to Colorado after leaving my (abusive) husband on January 29th, 2010 (please reference the January blogposts for details on my full story). On February 2nd, I wrote a post that described what I thought the upcoming season was going to hold for me.
I predicted that the upcoming season was going to be a season of listening and waiting. I predicted it was going to be a season of serving. I predicted it was going to be a season of living life to the fullest.
I've never claimed or asserted to have the gift of prophecy, but WHOA - EVERY SINGLE ONE of those predictions came true!
It indeed was a season of waiting and listening. God called me to spend the summer unemployed, and I spent 3 months of joy-filled mornings sitting quietly in the presence of God, listening to anything and everything He had to say and just soaking Him in. There was nothing I loved more than those mornings!
Thanks to being unemployed, I spent the summer serving by keeping the house clean for my roommates and doing the things they weren't able to due to working. I also served by driving my friend and former pastor Josh to either the train or his office every morning. That was a blessed time of fellowship every day that was sure to always wake me up with laughter and put a smile on my face.
Finally, I spent the summer living life to the fullest by serving on the leadership team with Heaven Fest - there is nothing that better qualifies as living life to the fullest than serving with a large team to put on an even larger event for the glory of God - what a rush!
To read that post that was written at least 3 months before that season began and those things came true absolutely BLOWS MY MIND. How amazing is that?! How phenomenal of a blessing is that?! I can't even imagine a blessing like that. I know for sure I'm not worthy! I can't imagine why God would have let me be right! I mean, My mom and I have had that "6th sense" experience on occasion, but that's crazy to me!
All I can say is WOW. And "God - THANK YOU!" Not just because I realized that it was a prediction that God allowed to come true - but that He actually did bless me with those things!! Oh my gosh... I'm just in HUMBLE AWE right now!
After I finished writing my post from Saturday, October 9th, 2010, I began rereading some of my older posts. First, I found that I had been hearing the same word from God that someone else had heard God say for me in their own prayer time. That was pretty awesome in and of itself. But then, I found something even better :)
I returned to Colorado after leaving my (abusive) husband on January 29th, 2010 (please reference the January blogposts for details on my full story). On February 2nd, I wrote a post that described what I thought the upcoming season was going to hold for me.
I predicted that the upcoming season was going to be a season of listening and waiting. I predicted it was going to be a season of serving. I predicted it was going to be a season of living life to the fullest.
I've never claimed or asserted to have the gift of prophecy, but WHOA - EVERY SINGLE ONE of those predictions came true!
It indeed was a season of waiting and listening. God called me to spend the summer unemployed, and I spent 3 months of joy-filled mornings sitting quietly in the presence of God, listening to anything and everything He had to say and just soaking Him in. There was nothing I loved more than those mornings!
Thanks to being unemployed, I spent the summer serving by keeping the house clean for my roommates and doing the things they weren't able to due to working. I also served by driving my friend and former pastor Josh to either the train or his office every morning. That was a blessed time of fellowship every day that was sure to always wake me up with laughter and put a smile on my face.
Finally, I spent the summer living life to the fullest by serving on the leadership team with Heaven Fest - there is nothing that better qualifies as living life to the fullest than serving with a large team to put on an even larger event for the glory of God - what a rush!
To read that post that was written at least 3 months before that season began and those things came true absolutely BLOWS MY MIND. How amazing is that?! How phenomenal of a blessing is that?! I can't even imagine a blessing like that. I know for sure I'm not worthy! I can't imagine why God would have let me be right! I mean, My mom and I have had that "6th sense" experience on occasion, but that's crazy to me!
All I can say is WOW. And "God - THANK YOU!" Not just because I realized that it was a prediction that God allowed to come true - but that He actually did bless me with those things!! Oh my gosh... I'm just in HUMBLE AWE right now!
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